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Day -31: My unlicensed franchise of The Trail Show

Day -31: My unlicensed franchise of The Trail Show

*smirk* there is so much inside humor in this post, you might want to skip it unless you listen to “The Trail Show” podcast.

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While opening my franchise I diligently attempted to contact The Trail Show as D-low has directed on multiple podcasts at “Sails@thetrailshow.com”, however none of the trail show cast was concerned enough to bother replying, so I took it upon myself to open a franchise.  I have brought in several working official unlicensed The Trail Show soft serve machines, but I seem to always lose customers when I attempt to clean them as instructed on The Trail Show using Junaid’s patented “Squirt-Wipe-Wipe, Squirt-Wipe-Wipe” method.  For some reason the customers, especially the ones who have ordered chocolate soft serve, seem to get suddenly ill upon witnessing this extremely effective and gentle method of cleaning our soft-serve machines.  I even had a few customers swear they were going to sue, and when I contacted  “League-L@thetrailshow.com” and repeatedly get no response my panic level has been rising.

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To avoid a repeat of this situation, I have instead been cleaning my official unlicensed The Trail Show soft serve machines with a blue sponge, but considering that so far I have been too cheap to purchase the bonus episodes of The Trail Show (dot) com I am concerned that I may be damaging the dispensers.  In fact one of the dispensers was in pretty sorry shape, and its legs seemed to be squatting down a little too far – see attached feature image.

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Yesterday when the public health inspector unexpectedly showed up and started demanding to know who the owner was, I decided to played it smart and told him of course I would tell him how to get in touch with the owner right away and gave him the email address d-low@thetrailshow.com .  The health inspector left in a rage yelling something about having less gear than he needed to deal with more beer in Boulder Colorado, but I really have no idea what he meant as he seemed to be in a senseless rampage by that point.

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I am in a little bit of a panic at this point and have been sending distress emails to sails@thetrailshow.com in order to try to offload all these soft serve machines which seem to be dispensing more and more colorful soft serve by the minute.  Actually that is a good thing, because maybe if they keep dispensing at this rate I can clean them entirely out.  As for what I am doing with the tons of dispensed soft serve, that hasn’t been a problem, I have a large flock of delighted children growing larger by the moment who are more than eager to take all of the soft serve off my hands for free.

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I think I see that health inspector returning with about 20 friendly looking police with the word S.W.A.T. stenciled neatly all over their gear.  That health inspector is looking mighty angry so I think I am going to run for Manning Park before he decides to confront me again and possibly discover that I am the owner…  Not to mention all these children are looking really stoned and starting to make noises so disturbing that the rats are running out of the sewers and away from them as quickly as they can.   I’ve got to go!

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I intend to make it down to Campo in 31 days and hike the PCT starting April 21 in a desperate attempt to evade the authorities.

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*P.S. none of this feeble attempt at parody and humor will make any sense to you unless you listen to:  The Trail Show, also Thetrailshow.com, also Podcasts apps everywhere.

*P.P.S.  I think this started kind of funny, but it kind of spiraled from there.  😛

*P.P.P.S.  I got the “soft serve dispenser” photo from squatty-potty.  Look up their advertisement on YouTube, I dare you.

Charlie Hough
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